Way to go… – w4m – 24 (orangle line)

Reply to: pers-815227589@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-08-27, 12:08PM EDT

So, you’ve achieved your life long goal. I am so proud of you. It would appear that you have finally reach the pinnacle of success as a bump on a fucking log. Congratulations.

I was train surfing this morning, as I do every morning, as you see me every morning on the Orange Line. As with every other day, you nod and smile congenially as you make your way to your seat. This morning was different, no
seat available. I saw the panic in your eyes.

“Oh no” you must have though to yourself
“I have to touch something”

So you grip with forefinger and thumb, barely touching the pole for fear of picking up some kind of poor people disease. I could see the sweat glistening off of your opulent jowls, to be kind, I would say your figure is “Rubinesque” Your breathing heavy, because you have to stand shoulder to shoulder with the types of folks that disturb you the most.

You are terrible at standing up on the train, the entire ride you were smashing and crashing into your fellow passengers. At one particularly violent turn, you smashed right the fuck into me and I sat down on a small person (not sure what gender).

No “I’m sorry” no “excuse me” just smashing and crashing your way into the city, while myself and everyone else just had to live through the destruction of your being unable maintain your balance long enough to get a stable footing.

I’m not hating, not everyone has a sense of balance, although most of us have enough strength in our upper bodies to support ourselves when the train moves in a new and exciting direction. Or at least the constitution to grip the bar like a man, not some lily livered wilting flower.

Not all of us surrender ourselves to the rhythm of the train and become a bowling pin about to tip itself and its friendly fellows over, not all of us are so fucking rude that we don’t say “pardon me” when you step/fall on/ run into/ destroy your fellow passengers with your unwieldy bulk.

Here are your options sir.

Don’t take the train.

Learn to ride the train.

When you see a full train wait for one to have enough seats for you to snag one, because I’m pretty sure your crappy sense of balance can be used as a deadly weapon.

If you ever want to learn how to train surf, hit me up.

• Location: orangle line
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 815227589

Tags: craigslist, fat man, fear of poor people, missed connections, no balance, Train surfing